hey!!!

so ya sry i haven't really written anything in here for awhile...i've just been really busy:
trying to get unsick-trying to breathe-trying to make my effing stomach stop hurting-trying to figure out which one of the god damn guys i'm talking to (they all sound the same!!!)-trying to be right (even more than usual)-trying to meet them-trying to learn to sing (cuz i suck)-trying to convince calley of many things;]-trying to keep up w/ all my other blogs-trying to live-trying to get past the pain-trying to get up some guts-and right now i'm trying not to throw up...that's how nice i am, i'll talk to u while i have the urge to regurgitate food;] ain't that great!-trying to be funny (see sentence b4)-trying not to get anymore ppl pissed at me for calling them wusses (opps been spelling that wrong in doodle, my bad:) -trying to be smarticle (yes and i think i need the help cuz i just said smarticle)-trying not to cry 24/7 is also a big one-trying not to miss them:\...which is impossible...cuz they're all so great (some more than others)-trying not to think about death (ya that's not working for me so screw that)-trying to drink my sprite so i won't regurgitate (OOOHHHHHHHH 4 syllables!!!!!!!!!!! I WIN, not really but thats ok!)-trying not to laugh at the word ponder (ya i can't do that one;] its impossible!!!!!)-trying to walk to DQ so i could meet them (that isn't working tho)-trying to walk normally after getting my boot off;] i can run and sprint fine, i jut walk funny...that's not ironic now is it?!-trying to have revelations (i sadly haven't had one in a while...ALSO FOUR!!!!)-trying not to get overexcited (as u can c thats also pretty much impossible)-trying to be happy and have hope (well...ya thats probably gonna b a long time thing so ya)-and trying (this is the last one so drum roll in ur head or on ur computer or ur friends a$$...OK JKJKJKJKJKJK about that one!) trying to write in this blog;]...ok i'm done now...c how busy i am?!?!?!? ikr...lol sry i was just being stupid but those are still all true...ok to the real post:
ya i miss them a lot...atleast all of them but one came back:\...and guess wat he came back and then went away again...and this happens to b the one who i like a lot too!...and ben, he's such a sweety and ik turner u'll say he's evil and diabolic, and he is sometimes but he can also be really sweet...u can't deny it, he's come to check on u wen the angels are after him...ya calley that does sound really messed up;] but, ya...he's starting to grow on me...so has angel...he's also very sweet...he's hilarious too and he's also growing on me...well techno since the first time he talked to me i liked him...so ya...danny has actually gotten half way for me...i still don't like that he's a cousin to u and he's trying to make u n everyone else that we know "sleep"...ya i'm not to cool w/ that...that doesn't roll very well w/ me...but i'll b able to persuade him sometime soon...the more i talk to him, which i have a strange feeling that i will...idk if thats good or bad...and yes i do have the guts to call u a wuss,wat u gonna do to me!? u didn't even yell/scream/threaten me...u w/ ur endless pocket pants i swear...i wonder wat u can all fit in those things!...but w/e...and jamie,...jamie, jamie, jamie...wat r we going to say about u...hmmm ya i also have the guts to call u a wuss...but ik u probably wouldn't do anything to me...ya n ben n turner n calley n mb techno but idt i told him...but ya sry for kinda almost meeting jamie on thursday...and don't hurt me *crouches in a corner behind a couch w/ a white flag up and some candy (tootsie rolls, calley lol!)* ya turner at skool in the morning it looked like u wanted to murder me...and calley had the same look except she had the expression of "WTF R U THINKING KID!!!!!!!" in w/ her glaringness;] ya i quickly ran away...lol it was funny tho, i think i was laughing while running away (AHHH don't hit me says to u guys right now)...and i really don't get y u n i think ben n other ppl don't want me or calley coming to ur house...its not bad i could persuade them plus i'm always ready w/ a plan and i have stuff that i could defend myself w/...no really i swear...i just need to find out wat danny's tactics are...hmmm let me think who i'd forget outta them...aaron isnt around much so ya...got all of em...and calley i hope ur feeling better w/ sleep and breathing (gives look) and everything...i miss u and luv ya hunny! ty for being such a great friend! and turner u too be safe! and love to all them crazy boys we talk top calley;] its kinda sad that they're the only ones that we talk to all the time...that makes me laugh;] well lots of love to everyone! hey barfing sensation gone! YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok i'm done now:)
l8r ghostinators (ghost-in-a-tor...i thought u normal ppl might need help;] )
me<3

life...

my life is at the all time low and i don't think it'll ever go back up...my friend sent me a letter that scared the hell outta me, i thought i was gonna die (sry if that makes u feel guilty, not meant to be) my other friend has a death wish (they both do but one more than the other) my other friend is moving and he's probably gonna run away if he ever sees me...so ya...my life pretty much is even worse than hell itself...cuz everyone i hold near and dear is going away, or wants to...and i was informed that they don't wanna meet us...its great uk...that feeling of being unwanted...u understand it the first time cuz the first time it hits home...then it comes back around to hit u by surprise...the feeling of worthlessness and despair about being able to do nothing to help anybody, not even urself...wow i haven't cried like this in awhile...sry...ya...love is war and pain...and so is life...id see wats so good about either, they all cause pain for ppl like me...but i guess its all the happy ppl who say its the best feeling u'll ever experience...well then they should just go on w/ their happy care-free lives and live the way they were meant to...love to everyone ho ik...ur all special to me...never leave me...plz i couldn't bear it...
l8r i guess
me<3

eeerrrrrrrrggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sighs* u have NO IDEA how badly i wanna run away right now...i would too...but i'm gonna c P.S I Love You so i'm not gonna...jkjk...i just don't feel like completely going away...plus i'd have nowhere to stay...i could go to a bunch of places like DQ, turner's house, downtown, calley's house, esther's house...just walk all over the county...but i wouldn't stay w/ any of them...cuz of their parents...or i would "loiter"...ya, w/e my a$$...well...enough about me disappearing...cuz ik that at least 1-3 ppl would miss me...at the most...so anyways...about our band;]...yes i am in a band...i'm a rocker chic! well...not really we're just kinda starting it...but i'm gonna try to go for the whole punk thing...lol good luck to me...i'm designing a line for us too...but ya...we're gonna b effing awesome!! we need to stick together in high skool!...i'm gonne cry if we rnt friends anymore...i'm gonna cry if any of u leave!...that goes for all of u!...i'm gonna miss one person a lot...but mb he could move back when he's 18;] who knows...but i'll miss him a lot<3 love all of u...l8r rain drops...
me<3

btw...to the guy who's moving...ur always on my mind;] and i hope u always member me<3

tell me...

promise me that u'll never leave me...that u'll never desert me like so many others have...that i'm not as worthless as i seem...that there is a reason for me to be here...cuz i can't stand to lose u...i couldn't take it...love u all...and don't ever leave, u mean too much to me
me<3

hurt...

wow...i just had a very rude awakening...that my parents are running outta money...after the bills they're almost outta money...i've been noticing it but it just hit home...and i don't have a job, so i can't help...and its not just that...it's bcuz i'm so messed up in the head that i probably need a shrink and my parents don't know i'm like "this" and we have no money...and it's the realization...ha *sarcastic laugh*...my life is slowly deteriorating all over again...except in slow motion this time...we're pretty much broke...the guy who i'm crushing on is moving at the end of this month...my friends have death wishes...i'm losing everyone who i care about...and thro all of this...i'm trying to be happy...but thats not even an option anymore as in seeing that my brain no longer has a happy section in it...i guess i'm just afraid...that all the old pain will come back along w/ the new...that i'll lose everyone i care about all over again...the first time it burns, but the second time it kills...plz tell me its not all in my head...that i'm not just some severely disturbed person...i'm sry for this post...it's just that i needed to vent otherwise i might've done something really stupid...lots of love to my fav. guys;] and shout out to my chillaxin' gal!
love u all SO much! l8r fellow aliens;]
me<3

hope...

hey...(feel like being colorful...of some sort considering i have no happy part of my brain left but w/e...ppl who are filled w/ sadness are deeper and they understand more so its all good...) anyways...i somehow always get off track...but ya...i made this saying last night:
"Hope never falls far from the dream..."
so ya...it's kinda funny since i've lost most of my hope but i thought it was deep and u ppl needed to hear it...ya ik...i'm just a freak...but w/e idc wat u think...and thank god u were at skool turner...i thought i was gonna die! and calley breathe god damnit! i can't lose anyone...i just can't...my life would be even worse than hell...plz don't ever leave me *starts crying*...i need u guys...and turner u need to stop caring u too calley...hypocrites even tho i am one too but w/e...and i do care and i do like to know about everything cuz ik how it feels to be cut off from everything and someone...and i won't let that happen again...and techno/ben u shouldn't care...u just met me...u don't even know wat i look like (well...techno kinda does) but really...u guys of all ppl shouldn't care...well...stay safe, i can't have anything happening to u either...i would cry my eyes out too...good luck and plz call me...luv u all!
l8r fellow vegies!
me<3

worried

ok...turner we've been trying to get a hold of u for a LONG time now...me n calley r REALLY worried...so if u end up reading this somehow, call her on her home fone...and i'm pretty sure that techno has some of the same things in common that u have...like a death wish...so i'm deathly worried about him...u two are my main worriers...so call calley plz...miss u and plz b at skool tomorrow! and techno, plz don't die
and to everyone else, stay safe!!!
love to all
me<33333

bored quizzy shtuff

http://www.quizilla.com/users/chelinl/quizzes/What%27s%20Your%20Crush%20Style%3F/
"what's ur crush style"--ya aint it great that i take quizzes that make me feel even more different than i already am...i took another quiz that said i have one of the rarest personalities...ya its great
my results:

Shy
You're super shy about your crushes! You keep your feelings locked away, and don't tell anyone you won't even always admit to yourself that you have a crush! This isn't always a bad thing; not everyone needs to know your business, especially when it could be kind of embarrassing, but how will you ever meet the person of your dreams if that's where you keep them? Take a chance once in a while your shyness is nice, but don't let it stop you from doing what you want in life.


ha ha ha...i well i'll b surffin the net so ya...l8r!
me<3

bring in the pain...

YAY!! A NEW YEAR!!!! 2008!!! THIS YEAR IS GONNA BE EVEN BETTER!!!!(u can truly hear how exuberant i am about 2008 can't u...and seriously if u couldn't tell that i was using A LOT of sarcasm i think u need to get help...n/o of course, but i mean c'mon) anyways...i've made new year's resolutions...and ik u really don't care but i'm gonna tell u anyways...so deal (sry for my bitchiness, *not in great mood) well my first resolution...is to stop eating as much...trust me, i didn't choose this, my body did w/o consulting me (damn functions of mine) but ya...i apparently tell myself that i'm not hungry so i don't eat...so ya...calley/turner/whoever else cares (idk y u would tho, but w/e) i don't have an eating problem, i'm just not hungry anymore...next one...i'm gonna try to look like a beauty queen...except w/o the tude...cuz i don't roll like that...so the beauty w/o the tude...thats wat i'm aiming for...(like i'm ever gonna get close)...next one...i'm gonna try to c if i can find a guy who likes me back and for who i am...and loves how crazy, odd/peculiar, and interesting i am...well...we'll c if i can keep a guy...let alone get one...so ya, good luck to me...next one...i'm gonna try to stay here...and just take every blow with stride...and try not to use my powers for wrong...these are all i can think of now...so ya...and i made a new state of ok calley/turner/techno/ben/angel (not quite sure if ben and angel know wat we're talking about) but ya...it's called: non-humanly ok...so it's even worse than e-ok...so ya...that's my state of mind that i've been in for the last few days...omg calley...at the end of 2008, we'll b freshman, how screwed up is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?...OMG guess wat!!!!!????? this year, 2008, already is a living hell...and it hasn't even been a full day! i mean c'mon! i already am in a pissy mood, my parents are already criticizing me, school has all these projects due, turner has to worry about two groups of ppl now, calley's gone back to hurting herself, i make techno/ben feel bad most of the time (sry guys), i'm being a real bitch, i've lost interest in irish dancing (i've done this since i was 5, and it's like my life...that means something) i'm still in a boot, i endure pain everyday, and all that jazz...so ya...and everyoe thinks this year will be great...but i already know how my year's gonna turn out...so i'm really not that jazzed...i'd rather disappear...fate sucks btw...sry...and i'm already ranting, ya my life sucks...and i haven't herd from techno or turner...and i'm really worried...if anything happened to them, any of them, i'm gonna cry so hard...sry if u actually happen to read this turner/techno...but ya i would be bawling my eyes out...btw, ty for standing down that one day...and if u don't pick the name soon;], me n calley decided that we'd name it "LAND OF THE SPORKS!" bcuz the dark side, besides having cookies, has sporks...so we thought it fit;] and if turner/techno/ben/calley/or anyone like that call me plz...i'll b up tonite for awhile...and call me earlier tomorrow...but i highly recommend sometime after 8:30 (just incase;]) o...n turner, if they (the ppl who were gonna come visit me) did take me...i wouldn't mind...i think it'd b pretty fun and funny;]...i wonder how they'd do that in the first place...and...there's something weird happening to me...ben and techno/kinda turner have a power over me...they make me feel bad...and then they make me second guess things...grrrrrrr...so ya don't b too happy bout that;]...lol...well i think i'm done for now...i might come back l8r...lol...ik ur all thinking like "god doesn't this kid ever leave?!"...ik ik...it just shows how i have no life...well...happy new year and i hope ur 2008 kicks better ass than mine!
l8r fellow apples...
me<3

p.s. ya i felt like being colorful today;]